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Georgia has shared the following jokes that follow the monthly theme using History and mythical type monsters/creatures:
Jokes: History, Myths & Legends
What's big and grey and lives in Scotland?
The Loch Ness elephant.
Why are 1000 eared monsters forgetful?
Because everything you say to them goes in one ear and comes out the others
What has a purple-spotted body, ten hairy legs and big eyes on stalks?
I don't know but there's one crawling up your leg.
What do you say when you see a two-headed monster?
Hello, hello.
How does a monster count to 15?
On its fingers
Whats big, red and prickly, has three eyes and eats rocks?
A big, red, prickly, three eyed rock eater.
Where would you find a prehistoric cow?
At the moo-seum.
What was written on the Pharaohs tomb?
Toot 'n cumin'
"Who was Captain Kidd?" asked the history teacher
"He was a contortionist"
"What makes you think that Alec?"
"Well it says in this History book that he spent a lot of time sitting on his chest"
Why is history like a fruit cake?
Because its full of dates
Student:who was the fastest runner in history?
Student2: Adam. He was the first in the human race.
Boy to friend: when my dad was in school, history was called current events.
Barbara: I wish I had lived a few hundred years ago
Teacher: Why?
Barbara: Because then I would have less history to learn
Georgia B
class 6kr
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Thursday, 20 November 2008
"King Arthur" by Molly, Age 10, Class 6KR
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King Arthur
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom . The last day of the year arrived. Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question. But he’d have to accept her price first.
By Molly
Age 10
Class 6KR
Molly also sent in some jokes. The following two are about the passing of time. As history is linked to the passing of time I have decided to share these funny jokes:
Why did Goofy put an alarm clock under his desk?
He wanted to work over time !
Why did Tommy throw his alarm clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
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King Arthur
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom . The last day of the year arrived. Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question. But he’d have to accept her price first.
By Molly
Age 10
Class 6KR
Molly also sent in some jokes. The following two are about the passing of time. As history is linked to the passing of time I have decided to share these funny jokes:
Why did Goofy put an alarm clock under his desk?
He wanted to work over time !
Why did Tommy throw his alarm clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
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"Speak Out" by Brandon H, Age 10, Class 6KR
History is full of stories of brave people standing against racism and bullying. Brandon has written a fictional personal history of the character "Mohammed Bombali" :
Speak Out
I should begin this story at the beginning, because it is the best place to start.
My name is Mohammed Bombali, people laugh at me because of my skin colour and the "funny turban" on my head.
They are very racist to me and are very blasphemous about Allah.
All I live for is racist comments and blasphemes; "Nice hat, black boy!" and "The yak was Sikh, it worships Allah!"
One day in class (6KR), I jumped up from my table and kicked my chair out of my way.
"I must speak out!" I cried, people at the back sniggered. "I am very proud of my turban and of my religion, I care to be mocked about your blasphemous comments and racism! It ends now!"
I felt exhilarated, empowered, I had spoken out, never would I be bullied again.
Ever.
By Brandon H
Age 10
Class 6KR
Also: You can also read Brandon's excellent "Ancient Chronicles" (Below)
Speak Out
I should begin this story at the beginning, because it is the best place to start.
My name is Mohammed Bombali, people laugh at me because of my skin colour and the "funny turban" on my head.
They are very racist to me and are very blasphemous about Allah.
All I live for is racist comments and blasphemes; "Nice hat, black boy!" and "The yak was Sikh, it worships Allah!"
One day in class (6KR), I jumped up from my table and kicked my chair out of my way.
"I must speak out!" I cried, people at the back sniggered. "I am very proud of my turban and of my religion, I care to be mocked about your blasphemous comments and racism! It ends now!"
I felt exhilarated, empowered, I had spoken out, never would I be bullied again.
Ever.
By Brandon H
Age 10
Class 6KR
Also: You can also read Brandon's excellent "Ancient Chronicles" (Below)
"The Ancient Chronicles" by Brandon H, Age 10, Class 6KR
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The Ancient Chronicles
Chapter One: Execution
I watched from my window as the beefeater took up his polished axe. Caesar, our emperor, calmly strolled through the hustle and bustle of the crowd which was gathered to see what all the fuss was about.
"This man," said Caesar , his head held proudly in front of the crowd. "Is sentenced to immediate death for practising magic and sorcery in Rome."
He raised his left hand and violently put it down, the beefeater took a step closer to the accused man and swung the axe...
Smatterings and splashes of his blood flew everywhere, the man's head, or what was his head, lolled onto the ground.
I turned my head so that I wasn't able to see what had happened.
Chapter Two: Sorceress.
Caesar banged open the doors of his palace sometime later and saw me sitting there, a frown upon my face.
"Why aren't you celebrating, dearest Rita?" He said.
"I hardly think beheading a man is cause for celebration, dearest Julius," I replied.
"He was a sorcerer, I had no choice," Caesar looked like he did have a choice, there is a choice for everything, isn't there?
An old, frayed looking woman appeared out of nowhere, she stood at the closed doors.
"You killed my son!" She yelled. "He shan't have done you no harm. To think you call yourself the emperor, doing only what's best for Rome! Ha!"
"Cease her!" yelled Julius. "Guards! Cease her!"
The woman disappeared in a puff of smoke.
The guards rushed in.
"What the hell..? Where is the enemy, emperor Caesar?" One of them asked.
"Gone, escaped. Find her and sentence her to death for sorcery!" Caesar commanded.
"As you wish, sire."
A few weeks later, the guards bought the woman through the dining room doors and pushed her in front of Caesar.
"I'd hold onto her if I were you," he said. "She has a habit of...disappearing."
The woman screamed as the guards took her away.
"Woe betide the sorcerer," muttered Caesar.
Chapter Three: Magic
The woman squatted in her bare, stone cell in the dungeons without food nor water for a couple days, screaming that she would kill everyone.
Later the same day, she was brought outside to the chopping block.
The beefeater pushed the woman onto the floor and she kept her head up, the beefeater gave it a sharp whack and it fell forward so that her neck was on the chopping block.
Everyone in the village gathered round to watch as usual, craning their necks to see better.
Caesar stood by to watch.
"Let this be a lesson to all you secret sorcerers and sorceresses, any of you found using magic again will end up like this puff of filth here," he said.
The beefeater raised his axe, the woman started muttering.
The woman vanished again, the beefeater chopped nothing but wood.
Suddenly, the beefeater clasped his fat, sausage-like hands to his throat and made choking noises.
The beefeater toppled onto the ground.
He was dead.
Chapter Four: Divide
Caesar assembled his army, divided them into packs of five, he had a hundred men.
The woman-whom Caesar didn't notice-was outside assembling an army of her own, each with the same, strange markings on their chests and faces.
Druids.
As the troops prepared themselves, Caesar was muttering to himself.
The armies approached each other, druids versus Rome.
The divided knights, Sirs and guards, druids, sorcerers and sorceresses, looked at each other, their eyes bored into each others.
The Romans started to yell, the others' eyes turned a ghastly glacier blue colour.
Our side put one leg in front of the other, pointed their weapons.
The druids summoned flames into their hands.
The sides collided into each other, fire against metal, Roman against druid.
Automatically, most of the Roman warriors were wiped out, each more gorily than the next.
We started to get somewhere, finally, some druid corpses were scattered amongst ours.
Hours later, only Caesar and the woman were left. The woman conjured fire. Caesar dressed himself in the armour of a victim from our side.
They stared icily at each other, the woman hurled her fire-ball, Caesar deflected it with his spear.
Fire against metal, metal against fire...
Chapter Five: Conquer
Caesar's spear pierced the woman's limp body, coursing through her guts.
The druid woman gasped, Caesar brandished her lifeless body triumphantly in the air.
"Rome has conquered!" He yelled proudly.
'Rome has triumphed,
Rome has won,
Battle is over,
We have won!" He recited the battle poem so elegantly that it could have brought tears to One's eyes.
The druids are dead and the battle is won, we can now all sleep in peace. But also in fear of the druids rising again.
By Brandon H
Age 10
Class 6KR
******************************
The Ancient Chronicles
Chapter One: Execution
I watched from my window as the beefeater took up his polished axe. Caesar, our emperor, calmly strolled through the hustle and bustle of the crowd which was gathered to see what all the fuss was about.
"This man," said Caesar , his head held proudly in front of the crowd. "Is sentenced to immediate death for practising magic and sorcery in Rome."
He raised his left hand and violently put it down, the beefeater took a step closer to the accused man and swung the axe...
Smatterings and splashes of his blood flew everywhere, the man's head, or what was his head, lolled onto the ground.
I turned my head so that I wasn't able to see what had happened.
Chapter Two: Sorceress.
Caesar banged open the doors of his palace sometime later and saw me sitting there, a frown upon my face.
"Why aren't you celebrating, dearest Rita?" He said.
"I hardly think beheading a man is cause for celebration, dearest Julius," I replied.
"He was a sorcerer, I had no choice," Caesar looked like he did have a choice, there is a choice for everything, isn't there?
An old, frayed looking woman appeared out of nowhere, she stood at the closed doors.
"You killed my son!" She yelled. "He shan't have done you no harm. To think you call yourself the emperor, doing only what's best for Rome! Ha!"
"Cease her!" yelled Julius. "Guards! Cease her!"
The woman disappeared in a puff of smoke.
The guards rushed in.
"What the hell..? Where is the enemy, emperor Caesar?" One of them asked.
"Gone, escaped. Find her and sentence her to death for sorcery!" Caesar commanded.
"As you wish, sire."
A few weeks later, the guards bought the woman through the dining room doors and pushed her in front of Caesar.
"I'd hold onto her if I were you," he said. "She has a habit of...disappearing."
The woman screamed as the guards took her away.
"Woe betide the sorcerer," muttered Caesar.
Chapter Three: Magic
The woman squatted in her bare, stone cell in the dungeons without food nor water for a couple days, screaming that she would kill everyone.
Later the same day, she was brought outside to the chopping block.
The beefeater pushed the woman onto the floor and she kept her head up, the beefeater gave it a sharp whack and it fell forward so that her neck was on the chopping block.
Everyone in the village gathered round to watch as usual, craning their necks to see better.
Caesar stood by to watch.
"Let this be a lesson to all you secret sorcerers and sorceresses, any of you found using magic again will end up like this puff of filth here," he said.
The beefeater raised his axe, the woman started muttering.
The woman vanished again, the beefeater chopped nothing but wood.
Suddenly, the beefeater clasped his fat, sausage-like hands to his throat and made choking noises.
The beefeater toppled onto the ground.
He was dead.
Chapter Four: Divide
Caesar assembled his army, divided them into packs of five, he had a hundred men.
The woman-whom Caesar didn't notice-was outside assembling an army of her own, each with the same, strange markings on their chests and faces.
Druids.
As the troops prepared themselves, Caesar was muttering to himself.
The armies approached each other, druids versus Rome.
The divided knights, Sirs and guards, druids, sorcerers and sorceresses, looked at each other, their eyes bored into each others.
The Romans started to yell, the others' eyes turned a ghastly glacier blue colour.
Our side put one leg in front of the other, pointed their weapons.
The druids summoned flames into their hands.
The sides collided into each other, fire against metal, Roman against druid.
Automatically, most of the Roman warriors were wiped out, each more gorily than the next.
We started to get somewhere, finally, some druid corpses were scattered amongst ours.
Hours later, only Caesar and the woman were left. The woman conjured fire. Caesar dressed himself in the armour of a victim from our side.
They stared icily at each other, the woman hurled her fire-ball, Caesar deflected it with his spear.
Fire against metal, metal against fire...
Chapter Five: Conquer
Caesar's spear pierced the woman's limp body, coursing through her guts.
The druid woman gasped, Caesar brandished her lifeless body triumphantly in the air.
"Rome has conquered!" He yelled proudly.
'Rome has triumphed,
Rome has won,
Battle is over,
We have won!" He recited the battle poem so elegantly that it could have brought tears to One's eyes.
The druids are dead and the battle is won, we can now all sleep in peace. But also in fear of the druids rising again.
By Brandon H
Age 10
Class 6KR
******************************
"World Cup Final - 1966" by Connor MS, Age 10, Class 6KR
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World Cup Final - 1966
This was it, the world cup final. England v west Germany and as I " Bobby Moore" I must lead England out to victory against the mighty Germans. Its going to be a tough match but I believe when I woke up we had a chance to beat these men and I won't rest in till I do lift this priceless trophy which all young kids dream to lift.
In the changing room everyone was calm and relaxed but I could see everyone was buzzing to get out on that big green spot in the middle of London that big green spot being Wembley. When the boss, Alf Ramsey, named the starting eleven none of us could believe the man who took England to the world cup final was leaving our top scorer, Bobby Charlton, on the bench and putting Geoff Hurst up front. Everyone thought he was mad including all of the news papers, news programs and our wives and girlfriends and they think nothin' of football, but we dealt with it.
Ahhh,today was the day,we walked on that pitch with as much pride as never before, screaming fans roaring in our ears, sun in our faces and fags in our eyes, THIS WAS THE DAY. But before I knew it the whistle had blown and the match had kicked off. The Germans passed around for a while before the to striker, Helmut Haller drilled a low hard shoot in to the back of the net, just before half time. Alf had a right go at us for only getting 19 successive passes in a half. But we still believed we could win this so we went out in this half with just as much passion.
Suddenly Germans were 2-0 up with Wolfgang Weber and with 10 minutes to go England's hopes died but life was restored when Martin Peters smacked it in from close range. With two minutes to go Alf screamed his men forward and it worked, Geoff Hurst the one we doubted had surprised us all. 2-2 and we went wild. We got in our positions but the final whistle (well in this the final whistle of the first half).
AS we started the first half of extra time Geoff could not help himself and he SCORED over the keeper and in the net. The Germans suddenly had a corner and it was swung in. Gorden caught it and smacked it out for Hurst to attack he took it, passed two defenders and was one-on-one with the keeper and he took it pasted the keeper and all he had to do is score and he did. By the look on his face he could not believe it he loved that moment better than anything. The whistle blew.''They think its all over......it is now!''screamed the commentator. My dream, to lift the world cup.
By Connor MS
Age 10
Class 6KR
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World Cup Final - 1966
This was it, the world cup final. England v west Germany and as I " Bobby Moore" I must lead England out to victory against the mighty Germans. Its going to be a tough match but I believe when I woke up we had a chance to beat these men and I won't rest in till I do lift this priceless trophy which all young kids dream to lift.
In the changing room everyone was calm and relaxed but I could see everyone was buzzing to get out on that big green spot in the middle of London that big green spot being Wembley. When the boss, Alf Ramsey, named the starting eleven none of us could believe the man who took England to the world cup final was leaving our top scorer, Bobby Charlton, on the bench and putting Geoff Hurst up front. Everyone thought he was mad including all of the news papers, news programs and our wives and girlfriends and they think nothin' of football, but we dealt with it.
Ahhh,today was the day,we walked on that pitch with as much pride as never before, screaming fans roaring in our ears, sun in our faces and fags in our eyes, THIS WAS THE DAY. But before I knew it the whistle had blown and the match had kicked off. The Germans passed around for a while before the to striker, Helmut Haller drilled a low hard shoot in to the back of the net, just before half time. Alf had a right go at us for only getting 19 successive passes in a half. But we still believed we could win this so we went out in this half with just as much passion.
Suddenly Germans were 2-0 up with Wolfgang Weber and with 10 minutes to go England's hopes died but life was restored when Martin Peters smacked it in from close range. With two minutes to go Alf screamed his men forward and it worked, Geoff Hurst the one we doubted had surprised us all. 2-2 and we went wild. We got in our positions but the final whistle (well in this the final whistle of the first half).
AS we started the first half of extra time Geoff could not help himself and he SCORED over the keeper and in the net. The Germans suddenly had a corner and it was swung in. Gorden caught it and smacked it out for Hurst to attack he took it, passed two defenders and was one-on-one with the keeper and he took it pasted the keeper and all he had to do is score and he did. By the look on his face he could not believe it he loved that moment better than anything. The whistle blew.''They think its all over......it is now!''screamed the commentator. My dream, to lift the world cup.
By Connor MS
Age 10
Class 6KR
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