........................................................
A few 'Magic' themed jokes that Georgia wanted to share.......
........................................................
How does a witch docter ask a girl to dance?
"Voodoo like to dance with me?"
.
.
Why did the wizard turn the naughty girl into a mouse?
Because she ratted on him
.
.
First witch:my, hasn't your little girl grown?
Second witch: yes, she's certainly gruesome
.
.
What contest do witches have?
Spelling contests.
.
.
What did one magician say to another?
"Who was that girl I sawed you with last night?"
.
.
Witch:why have you stopped playing cards with my sister?
Wizard:would you play cards with someone who cheats all the time, is a poor loser and keeps tearing up the cards?
Witch:no
Wizard: no, well nor will she.
.
.
Witch: doctor, doctor! my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible
Doctor: witch sister?
.
.
What do you get if you cross a snake with a magician?
Abra da cobra
.
.
..........................................................
Thanks Georgia B!
..........................................................
Thursday 5 February 2009
"Magic" by Brandon H, Age 10, Class 6KR
***********************
MAGIC
Magic is a living being that is neither like you nor me.
And it comes in quite handy (literally!) in handless situations.
Greater good or evil, it can bring unimaginable things,
Including; fairies, sprites and other magical beings!
Charmed is the other word for magic, the old spelling is “magyk” but who cares about all that guff even though it’s magical stuff!?
By Brandon 'Camel' H
Age 10
Class 6KR
***********************
MAGIC
Magic is a living being that is neither like you nor me.
And it comes in quite handy (literally!) in handless situations.
Greater good or evil, it can bring unimaginable things,
Including; fairies, sprites and other magical beings!
Charmed is the other word for magic, the old spelling is “magyk” but who cares about all that guff even though it’s magical stuff!?
By Brandon 'Camel' H
Age 10
Class 6KR
***********************
"A Magic Moment in Gymnastics" by Brandon H, Age 10, Class 6KR
..................................
A Magic Moment In Gymnastics
(O.G.T.F.S.P) (Or The Gymnastics Competition)
I was sooo nervous! My heart was pounding and my legs felt like jelly. I knew that soon the moment would come.
We were about 6 meters away from fate; not far away enough.
I sat in the passenger seat of Mum’s Volvo Estate car, I fidgeted uncomfortably.
Mum honked and honked at the cars in front, which were driving like old grannies. Mum eventually got tired and put on the ‘ABBA GOLD’ CD and sang along to ‘Chiquitita’.
I wasn’t nervous about competing; I was worried Mum would embarrass me yet again…
Last year she spotted me on the mat and shrieked:
“Come on, Sophie! That’s m’ girl! Come on, Soph’, beat their butts!”
How annoying is your mum?
I hate being part Albino, because whenever I blush it’s like I’ve been heavily matted with cherry-red foundation!
We eventually pulled up in front of the comp and parked just to the left of the enamel white door.
Other gymnasts were working their way in along with some members of their families.
I made my way through the maze of ecru coloured corridors into the changing rooms.
Sandra stared at me, she gave me THE EVILS and stuck out her tongue; she probably expected it to slice me through!
In the gymnasium, the contestants sat down on the bench, constantly checking themselves in compact mirrors and literally dehydrating the water in their bottles.
The whistle sounded to start; Jessica took up a pose and started.
She performed a couple of twists and turns and a few zany dance moves, and then rounded off.
The scorecards were held up:
6, 9, 9, 7, 6. A chunky great 39!
Frankie stepped up to the plate; he cart wheeled, did a counterbalance with two chairs and ended with a flawless shoulderstand.
9, 9, 8, 5, 10. A whopping 51!
I wouldn’t stand an ice-creams’ chance in Hell of beating Frankie.
But, when my turn came, I lunged, chest tight, legs straight, ponytail fluttering behind me onto the mat.
I did a few zany tricks walking on my hands, somersaulted and rounded off.
Here it came; the moment of truth:
10, 10, 9, 5, 20. 20? A-a-54!
Mum looked smug when I stood on the 1st place platform, the golden medallion glinting on my leotard.
My little brother, Will, stood a couple notches lower than me on the 2nd place platform and my arch rival, Sandra, scowled on the 3rd place platform; she mumbled “Beaten by a Little family member, what an embarrassment!”
But, I got gold, and there is only room for one gymnastic pro’ in this family; so, budge over, Will, because it’s…
ME!
A Magic Moment In Gymnastics
(O.G.T.F.S.P) (Or The Gymnastics Competition)
I was sooo nervous! My heart was pounding and my legs felt like jelly. I knew that soon the moment would come.
We were about 6 meters away from fate; not far away enough.
I sat in the passenger seat of Mum’s Volvo Estate car, I fidgeted uncomfortably.
Mum honked and honked at the cars in front, which were driving like old grannies. Mum eventually got tired and put on the ‘ABBA GOLD’ CD and sang along to ‘Chiquitita’.
I wasn’t nervous about competing; I was worried Mum would embarrass me yet again…
Last year she spotted me on the mat and shrieked:
“Come on, Sophie! That’s m’ girl! Come on, Soph’, beat their butts!”
How annoying is your mum?
I hate being part Albino, because whenever I blush it’s like I’ve been heavily matted with cherry-red foundation!
We eventually pulled up in front of the comp and parked just to the left of the enamel white door.
Other gymnasts were working their way in along with some members of their families.
I made my way through the maze of ecru coloured corridors into the changing rooms.
Sandra stared at me, she gave me THE EVILS and stuck out her tongue; she probably expected it to slice me through!
In the gymnasium, the contestants sat down on the bench, constantly checking themselves in compact mirrors and literally dehydrating the water in their bottles.
The whistle sounded to start; Jessica took up a pose and started.
She performed a couple of twists and turns and a few zany dance moves, and then rounded off.
The scorecards were held up:
6, 9, 9, 7, 6. A chunky great 39!
Frankie stepped up to the plate; he cart wheeled, did a counterbalance with two chairs and ended with a flawless shoulderstand.
9, 9, 8, 5, 10. A whopping 51!
I wouldn’t stand an ice-creams’ chance in Hell of beating Frankie.
But, when my turn came, I lunged, chest tight, legs straight, ponytail fluttering behind me onto the mat.
I did a few zany tricks walking on my hands, somersaulted and rounded off.
Here it came; the moment of truth:
10, 10, 9, 5, 20. 20? A-a-54!
Mum looked smug when I stood on the 1st place platform, the golden medallion glinting on my leotard.
My little brother, Will, stood a couple notches lower than me on the 2nd place platform and my arch rival, Sandra, scowled on the 3rd place platform; she mumbled “Beaten by a Little family member, what an embarrassment!”
But, I got gold, and there is only room for one gymnastic pro’ in this family; so, budge over, Will, because it’s…
ME!
By Brandon H Age 10 Class 6KR
...................................
Wednesday 4 February 2009
"The Tale of Zachary Binx" (witch child trilogy), By Brandon H, Age 10, Class 6KR
...................................
This is the third and final installment in Brandon's Witch Child trilogy - be sure to read the other two before this one. Find the first two installments in the posts below.
...............................
The Tale of Zachary Binx
This is the third and final installment in Brandon's Witch Child trilogy - be sure to read the other two before this one. Find the first two installments in the posts below.
...............................
The Tale of Zachary Binx
(final instalment of the “witch child” trilogy)
A sweet voice sang from far away in the clouds; it belonged to a platinum-blonde, middle aged witch; she was a Sanderson Sister.
The thump of her broom landing upon the ground of the Binx farmhouse scattered the ducks, geese and cows to and fro.
Zachary Binx was in bed when it happened; the witch, Sarah Sanderson, crept slowly into the room and lullaby-ed his sister, Emily Binx, to a deep sleep, by singing softly whilst forcing her to inhale Wolfsbane and Monkshood crystals; together they form a sleeping potion so strong that it is known as “The Draught of Living Death”.
Zachary awoke hours later, he shook; he screamed.
“EMILY!” He shrieked. “EMILY!”
He dashed barefooted outside, his brother, Elijah, came running.
“Elijah!” said Zachary. “Hast thou seen my sister Emily?”
“Nay, brother,” said Elijah, grimly. “But look; they doth conjure!”
Billowing from the bottom of the steep hill, was puffs and sparkles of glacier blue, lilac, lemon yellow and ochre; the colour of a Witches’ brew.
“Oh, dear lord! The woods!” Zachary shouted. “Elijah, waken Father, summon the others. Go!”
Zachary sprinted so fast down the steep hill, that he got caught on a low branch and just rolled, rolled…
He halted next to a small, slated cottage in the middle of nowhere; the brews excess billowed from the chimney still.
Sarah Sanderson, had only just got there, she had Emily by her side.
“Come, child!” She whispered.
Two more hags were dancing about feebly and drunkenly about the floor, screaming; “dead mans’ toe! Add a dead man’s toe, make it a fleshy one, and add a bit of my own tongue!”
They were Winifred and Mariah Sanderson, also wickedly evil Sisters.
“Ah, Sarah, thee hast arrived, we must prepare the potion and spell now that our little guest of honour has came!” said Winifred.
Winifred’s book-which was given to her by Satan himself- floated to her; the trio of hags edged to the cauldron and recited the spell.
“#Wing of bat, dead woman’s lung. Dead man’s toe, add a bit of my own tongue. #”
The potion fizzed, Winifred took a wooden ladle and was about to feed the life-taking potion to Emily when at last, Zachary piped up.
“NO!” He shouted.
“A boy!” cried Sarah.
“I got him! I knew I smelt a boy!” shrieked Mary.
“Fools, grab him, you idiots!”
Winifred took up her wand and threw a spark line at Zachary; he floated in the air and plummeted to the floor.
“What shall we do with him?” suggested Winifred.
“Put him on a hook, and let me play with him…”said Sarah.
“No!” Snapped Winifred. “His punishment must be more fulsome, more lingering. Ah-ha! I’ve got it! As usual. His punishment shall not be to die, but to live forever with his guilt!”
“Join me, sisters, one, two, three..”
“Twist the bones and bend the back!
Trim him of his baby fat!
Give him fur black as black,
Just…like…this-s-s-s!”
Zachary shrunk down to a black cat.
There was a sudden knock at the door; “Witches!” shouted Zachary’s angry father. “What hast thee done with my son Zachary?”
The witches were taken outside; they stood upon barrels with nooses around their necks.
“I shall ask thee one final time!” Said Mister Binx. “What hast thou done with my son Zachary?”
“I don’t know cat’s got my tongue!” shrieked Winifred, laughing manically.
Mister Binx slid his hand on his neck; the hangman pulled away the barrels.
The Sandersons died.
A sweet voice sang from far away in the clouds; it belonged to a platinum-blonde, middle aged witch; she was a Sanderson Sister.
The thump of her broom landing upon the ground of the Binx farmhouse scattered the ducks, geese and cows to and fro.
Zachary Binx was in bed when it happened; the witch, Sarah Sanderson, crept slowly into the room and lullaby-ed his sister, Emily Binx, to a deep sleep, by singing softly whilst forcing her to inhale Wolfsbane and Monkshood crystals; together they form a sleeping potion so strong that it is known as “The Draught of Living Death”.
Zachary awoke hours later, he shook; he screamed.
“EMILY!” He shrieked. “EMILY!”
He dashed barefooted outside, his brother, Elijah, came running.
“Elijah!” said Zachary. “Hast thou seen my sister Emily?”
“Nay, brother,” said Elijah, grimly. “But look; they doth conjure!”
Billowing from the bottom of the steep hill, was puffs and sparkles of glacier blue, lilac, lemon yellow and ochre; the colour of a Witches’ brew.
“Oh, dear lord! The woods!” Zachary shouted. “Elijah, waken Father, summon the others. Go!”
Zachary sprinted so fast down the steep hill, that he got caught on a low branch and just rolled, rolled…
He halted next to a small, slated cottage in the middle of nowhere; the brews excess billowed from the chimney still.
Sarah Sanderson, had only just got there, she had Emily by her side.
“Come, child!” She whispered.
Two more hags were dancing about feebly and drunkenly about the floor, screaming; “dead mans’ toe! Add a dead man’s toe, make it a fleshy one, and add a bit of my own tongue!”
They were Winifred and Mariah Sanderson, also wickedly evil Sisters.
“Ah, Sarah, thee hast arrived, we must prepare the potion and spell now that our little guest of honour has came!” said Winifred.
Winifred’s book-which was given to her by Satan himself- floated to her; the trio of hags edged to the cauldron and recited the spell.
“#Wing of bat, dead woman’s lung. Dead man’s toe, add a bit of my own tongue. #”
The potion fizzed, Winifred took a wooden ladle and was about to feed the life-taking potion to Emily when at last, Zachary piped up.
“NO!” He shouted.
“A boy!” cried Sarah.
“I got him! I knew I smelt a boy!” shrieked Mary.
“Fools, grab him, you idiots!”
Winifred took up her wand and threw a spark line at Zachary; he floated in the air and plummeted to the floor.
“What shall we do with him?” suggested Winifred.
“Put him on a hook, and let me play with him…”said Sarah.
“No!” Snapped Winifred. “His punishment must be more fulsome, more lingering. Ah-ha! I’ve got it! As usual. His punishment shall not be to die, but to live forever with his guilt!”
“Join me, sisters, one, two, three..”
“Twist the bones and bend the back!
Trim him of his baby fat!
Give him fur black as black,
Just…like…this-s-s-s!”
Zachary shrunk down to a black cat.
There was a sudden knock at the door; “Witches!” shouted Zachary’s angry father. “What hast thee done with my son Zachary?”
The witches were taken outside; they stood upon barrels with nooses around their necks.
“I shall ask thee one final time!” Said Mister Binx. “What hast thou done with my son Zachary?”
“I don’t know cat’s got my tongue!” shrieked Winifred, laughing manically.
Mister Binx slid his hand on his neck; the hangman pulled away the barrels.
The Sandersons died.
By Brandon "Camel" H
Age 10
Class 6KR
.................................
Tuesday 3 February 2009
"Sorceress" (sequel to Witch Child) by Brandon H, Age 10, Class 6KR
..................................
Note: First read 'Witch Child' - the prequel to this story - in the post below.
..................................
Sorceress
It had been a while since Augustine-Clementine Turpentine had been magically murdered by her cousin, Barbarity, but since she "mysteriously disappeared", the whole village was on a witch hunt for the disappearance of Augustine-Clementine.
Little did they know that in Salem, there were many places for a witch to hide, like the bucket in the well or (don't laugh) Tom Thumb's plum-pie.
Ah, yes, nursery rhymes were literally brought to life then, reader; it might still be like that now.
They stormed through the woods, over the hills and far, far away but they couldn't find a trace of the cousins.
Barbarity had committed suicide, though, indeed, she had taken the blades to her wrists and slashed.
But, Barbarity being Barbarity, was clever. Ah, yes, every witch knows that when a witch dies, it is reincarnated in his' or hers' very own cackling stump as an animal that they favoured.
Barbarity, the good tasted old hag that she was, was reincarnated as a black cat.
Note: First read 'Witch Child' - the prequel to this story - in the post below.
..................................
Sorceress
It had been a while since Augustine-Clementine Turpentine had been magically murdered by her cousin, Barbarity, but since she "mysteriously disappeared", the whole village was on a witch hunt for the disappearance of Augustine-Clementine.
Little did they know that in Salem, there were many places for a witch to hide, like the bucket in the well or (don't laugh) Tom Thumb's plum-pie.
Ah, yes, nursery rhymes were literally brought to life then, reader; it might still be like that now.
They stormed through the woods, over the hills and far, far away but they couldn't find a trace of the cousins.
Barbarity had committed suicide, though, indeed, she had taken the blades to her wrists and slashed.
But, Barbarity being Barbarity, was clever. Ah, yes, every witch knows that when a witch dies, it is reincarnated in his' or hers' very own cackling stump as an animal that they favoured.
Barbarity, the good tasted old hag that she was, was reincarnated as a black cat.
By Brandon "Camel" H Age 10 10 Class 6KR
..................................
"Charmed" (song lyrics) by Brandon H, Age 10, Class 6KR
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Charmed
Charmed
(song lyrics)
I am the sun,
I am the air,
I am ev-ery-thing I need t' be like,
just like anybody else ain't.
And all the fear is creep-in' in,
All the darklighters, and t' whitelighters,
Who're running from sin.
I am the sun,
I am the air,
I am...
Magic
I am the air,
I am ev-ery-thing I need t' be like,
just like anybody else ain't.
And all the fear is creep-in' in,
All the darklighters, and t' whitelighters,
Who're running from sin.
I am the sun,
I am the air,
I am...
Magic
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
By Brandon "Camel" H
Age 10
Class 6KR
>>>>>>>>>>>
"Witch Child" by Brandon H, Age 10, Class 6KR
..................................
Witch Child
A lonely widowed old witch sat upon a stool by her murky cottage window; the witch was called Barbarity Spindle, she was the greatest most powerful darklighter in the whole of ancient Salem and she was plotting a revenge.
The revenge was on her demented whitelighter cousin, Augustine-Clementine Turpentine.
'Twas she whom planted sweet smelling freesias in the low maintenance garden; she whom permanently lamed her dog, who sits contorting on its poor, poor head; she whom scrubbed the dirt off of the laundry and 'twas her that...{gulp}...shaved the peach fuzz off of Barbarity's face.
Barbarity sat upon her cackling stump and an evil plan wove itself inside of her tiny darklighter mind.
Barbarity ripped her wand from her tatty cloak and danced around her fire with it, singing "midnight moonlight" whilst rain-dancing around it.
Far away in Argentina-where Augustine-Clementine Turpentine lived- the cousin swelled and swelled, she burst into miniature termites (now that's really small!) and got disgustingly horribly trampled and killed.
Author's note:
As for Barbarity, you'll see what happens to her in the sequel "Sorceress".
Ciao!
"Camel"
By Brandon H
Age 10
Class 6KR
Witch Child
A lonely widowed old witch sat upon a stool by her murky cottage window; the witch was called Barbarity Spindle, she was the greatest most powerful darklighter in the whole of ancient Salem and she was plotting a revenge.
The revenge was on her demented whitelighter cousin, Augustine-Clementine Turpentine.
'Twas she whom planted sweet smelling freesias in the low maintenance garden; she whom permanently lamed her dog, who sits contorting on its poor, poor head; she whom scrubbed the dirt off of the laundry and 'twas her that...{gulp}...shaved the peach fuzz off of Barbarity's face.
Barbarity sat upon her cackling stump and an evil plan wove itself inside of her tiny darklighter mind.
Barbarity ripped her wand from her tatty cloak and danced around her fire with it, singing "midnight moonlight" whilst rain-dancing around it.
Far away in Argentina-where Augustine-Clementine Turpentine lived- the cousin swelled and swelled, she burst into miniature termites (now that's really small!) and got disgustingly horribly trampled and killed.
Author's note:
As for Barbarity, you'll see what happens to her in the sequel "Sorceress".
Ciao!
"Camel"
By Brandon H
Age 10
Class 6KR
..................................
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